Happy New Year Y'all!!!!

Fortune and good health to all in 2008.

Oh yeah, and while I'm at it Osama Bin Laden is extremely dead. More later.....

Merry Christmas, y'all!

Merry Christmas to all of our friends from the crew of The Deuce!

More joints..

Yet and still, a few more of CM's listening choices lately:

1.The Rolling Stones - Monkey Man - I'm starting to think this is the greatest rock song ever
2. Thug Life - Don't Get it Twisted - I'm starting to know this is the greatest bassline ever
3. The Police -Syncrhonicity 2 - Not just because of the deuce label, either
4. Cameo - Alligator Woman - I, I, ooh, I, I ooh, I, I, I,...you ignore my desires, it ain't fair
5. Seal - Kiss from a Rose - I compare you to being bit on the nose by a bee....Or: being tricked by some hoes on TV...Or: being clipped by a bent nose from Jersey...It's not as gay if you change the lyrics to comedy or being sucked off, or tapping 40s of beer, or banging' a chick and then saying:"Wow, look at the time, I've got to see a dude about some stuff, ....later", and then quickly leaving and hitting the drive thru at Taco Mayo, at about 2 n'shit.

I am truly insane now.

Hey, everybody, it's Bich Rodriguez

Throwing yet another wrench into my 2 year in advance college football predictions (last year before the 2006 season I said LSU would win it this year, and then JaMarcus Russell declared for the NFL Draft, but LSU is in the title game anyway), is the defection of WVU (my pick before this year to win it all next year) head coach Rich Rodriguez. Hey, Russell left early and LSU still is on track, and when I picked Florida 2 years in advance, they had some defections too, so this doesn't help, but doesn't change my pick either. It's not 2 years in advance if it's not 2 years in advance. WVU will win it all because of Pat White, Steve Slaton, and Noel Devine, none of which are likely to declare early, and an improving defense. My pick for the following year? I'll get back to you in March with that one. Oh, and I'm not mad at Rodriguez, I just like calling people named Mitch, or Rich, bitch. It both rhymes and makes me laugh. Crasswhole out.

CM's old school joints

These are some of the more obscure (some not as obscure as others) jams I've been gettin' down to lately. Check 'em out on You tube if you like:

1. Tonic - If you could only see - great guitar riff and baseline
2. Expose' - Let me be the one - My favorite "club" jam of all time
3. Journey - Feeling that way - best Journey song ever and really the only one that stood the test of time for me
4. Living Colour - Solace of You - Brilliantly eclectic, James Earl Jones' son is their frontman by the way (Vernon Reid)
5. The Who - Pinball Wizard - Greatest Who song ever, Elton John's version rocks as well
6. Sly and The Family Stone - Hot Fun in the Summertime - Fucking great, man, fucking great
7. Kylie Minougue - Can't get you out of my head - I gotta be half a homo for admittin' that one, but the the shit is catchy
8. Seals and Croft - Summer Breeze - I've always thought this song could be remade into a harder version and be great
9. Cat Stevens - Peace Train - Don't know why, just dig it tho'
10. Jodeci - All My life - These cats border on Gospel what with their angelic singing and so forth, this song was written about JoJo's infant daughter

Lot of fruitty love tunes for a cat who counts Tupac, Rage Against The Machine, Chamillionaire, Led Zepplin and Superjoint Ritual among his faves, but with all the drama in my life lately, I'm feelin' a lil' nostalgic right about now.

Lil' Black: We miss you already

Eddie Simmons (#11). The best kick returner in semi pro football, hands down. A good man as well. I'm tearing up as I type this...We love you, we miss you, we hope to see you in that upper room. I can't believe you are gone. Eddie was only about 5-7 and 165 lbs soaking wet, but he was absolutely fearless. Always upbeat and full of enthusiasm, always full of life, my former teammate Eddie "Lil' Black" Simmons will never be forgotten. The beer is not as cold and the victories are not as sweet without you here. Rest in peace, my brother.

This shit is getting old, quickly: Dallas Xpress All Star Eddie Simmons dead at 27

Go to http://www.eteamz.com/ and look up the TUFL (go to the teams icon for the Dallas Xpress) site to see a tribute to my old teammate of 3 years , the best kick returner in the league with 5 TD returns, Eddie "lil black" Simmons. I first met this dude in 2005 playing with the Dallas Rough Riders, and later played with him on the Dallas Xpress in 2007. Always an upbeat dude , in spite of caring for a mother with cancer, Eddie leaves behind 3 kids. Hands down the best kick/punt returner I've ever played with, and a guy I liked a whole helluva lot, Eddie was fatally shot last week in an apparent dispute at a local barber shop. When I heard it on the radio , I thought it was just a mix-up, what with Eddie Simmons being a common name, but I was wrong. I already thought about the dude often with fond memories, now it's just intensified. I remember cracking jokes with him on the back of the team bus in March of this year and I already miss the sombich. Eddie, you were one of the good guys. Today was a tough day.

Pimp C: 1973-2007 R.I.P.

The Godfather of Texas rap was found dead in his hotel room in Los Angeles Monday, dead of unknown causes. Along with Bun B, he was the founder of UGK, best known for their work on Jay-Z's Big Pimpin' (1998), considered the unofficial anthem of Dirty South rap. Like Pac, Biggie, Stevie Ray Vaughn and Jimi Hendrix, this dude will be missed. Some would say, hey, he's just another dead rapper, but those people are just dumb mutherfuckers. Not only did he contribute musically, the dude left behind 3 kids. I have been and always will be a huge Pimp C fan. Rest in peace, homie.

Jon Kitna: I'm just sayin', # 56 looked like he was lost

"I kind of have to watch what I say, because we will play these guys next year, but number 56 (Dallas Cowboys linebacker Bradie James) looked like he was lost in pass coverage and we took advantage of him", said Kitna in a national radio interview following the Lions' ass kicking of Dallas in 2006 at Texas Stadium. It will be interesting to see if Mr. "I guarantee 10 wins" can take advantage of James this year. If he can, the maybe the book will be re-opened on Dallas' pass coverage woes. If the Lions continue their tradition of being built around the late season collapse, the 'Boys should be ok. My brainpan simulation tells me that Kitna will be on his ass quite a bit on Sunday.

Nostradamus Maximus II

Well,well, mutherfuckin' well...Looks like the final word in college football has spoken again. After Saturday's events, it appears that LSU, that's right, LSU will play Ohio State for the national title. Yes that LSU, the one CM picked before the 2006 season, just like before in 2005 when Florida was my pick. Two years in advance, two years in a row. I clearly cain't be held in the realm of collegian football, and this proves it. There's no doubt LSU's speed overwhelms the Buckeyes in this one. For what it's worth, my 2008-2009 champ (as I selected in March of 2007 right here) will be The West Virginia Carni....errr Mountaineers. I'll get back to you in a few months regarding my 09-10 pick.

CM's lick o' the week

The lick o' the week goes to: Dallas CB Nate Jones' cracking of Green Bay QB Brett Favre. The indestructible Favre has started 249 consecutive games, but was blasted by Jones after a pump fake, injuring his right elbow and separating his left shoulder, causing him to miss the rest of the game. Farve is the best QB I've ever seen, but oddly enough the Packers looked much better after backup Aaron Rodgers took over. We'll see if BF can recover in time to keep that streak going.

Don't fuck wif Knight....He'll shoot your ass

Texas Technological basketball coach Bob Knight is at it again. Knight was hunting recently in the Lubbock area, and apparently, people don't like shots fired near their homes. Go to the video at www.dallasnews.com/sports and.....REACT TO ME!!

Ho ass tricks II

Ho ass tricks I is floatin' around somewhere in cyber space I knows it....But dis is II, ok?....So let us begin then, ok?....Constantly negative people....AT & T, Atlantic or Pacific Bell or whomever you may use for your business phone/intranet needs, with their relentless pursuit of the over charge....Bill Belichek...Dennis Franchione...Workplaces where the company flies by the seat of its pants and "hopes the shit will work"....Blogging a-wholes doing sequels to bad cyber segments...Everyone else but me...Crazy whoores...Radio and TV ad execs trying to orchestrate a "one for one " swap of commericials and programming, resulting a 1:1 ratio of said commercials to programming.....These are just a few more of CM's Ho ass tricks, mmhmmm...

America's Team, bitch!!

Ok, ok. I know the Green Bay Packers match up well wif de Dallas, and if CB Chuckie Woodson and DE KGB can go, even better for the cheese/beer/brat homos...... At this point it just seems impossible to bet against the boys in blue......The NFL is getting top heavy again (almost in a 1970'sesque way) as the contenders look to be set up for runs beyond this season, lookit: Green Bay, at 10-1, the NFL's youngest team....New England, at 10-0 with San Francisco's number one pick, which looks to be a top 5er for certain....Dallas, also at 10-1 wif 2 # 1 picks and only Greg Ellis (32), Flozell Adams (32) and T.O. Owens (33) over the age of 28....Indy at 9-2, has added even more youth and speed to the league's fastest D with two new yootes at corner and really only Marvin Harrison (35) with any wear on his tires....Pittsburgh, at 7-3 stays young, has a young coach and a young Super Bowl winning QB...The Giants at 7-3 also have a young O, they just need to infuse the secondary with some good young players (Nebraska CB Zack Bowman or Notre Dame SS Tom Zbikowski could help)...It's TV season y'all, time to eat and drink until my innards explode....CM awaaaayyyy!!

Men who look like old lesbians

Huge ups to Independent Sources for identifying this blogspot: Men who look like old lesbians. Other notables: Roger Ebert, David Coverdale and Bruce Jenner. Great stuff guys, flat out fucking funny.

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving, you fucking motherfucking motherfuckers!

CM's lick o' the week

You may have already seen this (I couldn't find it on You Tube), but my lick of the week goes to Jacksonville Jaguars' running back Maurice Jones Drew, for his absolute cracking of Chargers' linebacker Shawne Merriman. What's interesting to note here, is that Jones-Drew is about 5-7 and 210 lbs, while Merriman is 6-4 and 272 lbs. Also of note, is that Mr. Merriman was suspended for steroid use last year, so he is now subject to intense scrutiny and weekly drug tests. I remember playing against at least 3 dudes on steroids (one I had to block and two I pass rushed against) and when they were on the juice, they delivered some teeth rattling shots, but the next time I went against them, they were big ol' softies. Like two different players once they cycled off of the juice. I truly believe I could add 2 more years to my semi pro career if I took my ex-teammate up on his offer of nandrolone and human growth hormone, but I'm too much of a scaredy cat to put that stuff into my body. It is tempting though, as my traps and lats seem to be shrinking the closer I get to 40. I'll stick to pot, booze and memories...for now.

Saban carnies out again

Noted West Virginia carny and Alabama head football coach Nick Saban, obviously stunned by his team's inconceivable loss to UL Monroe, had a few interesting post game comments. The erstwhile gypsy compared the loss to other life changing events such as Pearl Harbor, and the September 11th trade center attacks. Hey Saban: Stop being a carny and stop making ludicrous comparisons. Alabama football just isn't that relevant anymore.

Texas Tech 34, No. 3 Oklahoma 27: Erastus celebrates by beating up a landscape worker!

It's sheer bedlam in the house of Deuce contributor erastii, as his belov'd Red Raiders have slapped the OU Sooners, thus ending their title hopes. Word has it, he spilled into the New Mexico night armed with an automatic weapon aimed skyward, wearing only cowboy boots, a zorro mask and a cowboy hat, holding a half full bottle of tequila. One can only hope that his massive, hanging gulliver at least partially shrouded his helicoptering west Texas crank.

WHY??????

CRASSIUS MAX....Why do I have to be Dom and you get to be Dwayne. Just a thought....Com X's pic is dead on.

R.I.P ....1944-1999...DON "HURRICANE" SMITH

Today will be 8yrs. since the late great "CANE" passed on. This picture of Jack Nicholson says it all, my dad looked just like this dude growing up. Anyway I just thought I'd throw this out there in loving memory.....R.I.P. POPS

Another shot to the balls

Com X's entire industry is under siege, and now a customer of mine, (since 1998) has gone away, causing a $1500 a month loss in revenue for ol' CM. Not a company killer by any means, but a goat slap to the mouth, fo' sho'. They (my customer) have told me that they were pleased with our service and would come back if the new system doesn't work, but that's a fuckin' long shot. They will still use my company periodically, just not every day anymore. It sucks, but it will just cause me to have to adapt. In reality, I needed a wake up call anyway. I'll just shake myself and put in some more work, and get this thing cranked back up. Or not. Either way, it's like erastus says: You inch closer to sleeping with the fishes every day, so make the best out of it, motherfucker.

Before they made their bones...

That's right people, it's time for the fastest growing cybersegment in the blogosphere, Before they made their bones. An in depth look at institutions, beings and entities, and how they got down before they gained notoriety. Today, we look at what some prominent colleges were calling themselves back in the day, along wif commentary, of course.

USC Methodists - I think they went to the Trojan card so they could dress up the band faggots in armor n' shit
University of Washington Sundodgers - The change to Huskies was needed because the brothers from South Central LA ain't goin' to play for a school called the fuckin' Sundodgers
Texas Tech Matadors - The change to Red Raiders was done in hopes that people would stop saying that Tech plays Matador defense...School officials in Lubbock are holding out hope that this will eventually work
Notre Dame Catholics - The Racketeering Italians was also considered before settling on the Fighting Irish, as the Domers wanted to find the most menacing form of Catholic humanly possible
Nebraska Bugeaters - The Cornhuskers decided that corn tastes better than bugs, but not by much
Oregon Web Foots - Again, the change to Ducks was done with recruiting the brothers from S.Central LA in mind, as Web Foot could be termed as slightly racialist
North Carolina State Red Terror - The change to the Wolfpack moniker was made due to the overwhelming backlash on Red Terror from the Women's basketball team

Remember, when you want to know what was goin' on before shit really got goin' on, check out Before they made their bones, only on The Deuce.

His airness....gettin that ass taxed...to the tune of 168million

It seems as though, juanita jordan ,is getting a huge chunk of Mike's empire. I say CRAP, How many dunk's did this female ever throwdown. NONE , that's right , zero, zilch , nautica..If I sound like a bitter old man , then so be it. Having gone through a bitter child support and divorce battle myself , I know exactly how it feels to get fleeced by the gubment and justice system. Crass also knows this feeling as well. Suck it up Mike, in time you will learn that life sux and everyday that goes by , your that much closer to sleepin with the fishes.

Genius to Moron: collegian football edition

These cats got down in a major way in 2006, leading many prognosticators to predict how they would play in 2007, with disastrous results. Here are the notables:
1.Texas QB Colt McCoy's passing - With a 29 TD to 7 int ratio in 2006, the sky seemed to be the limit for McCoy. This year he regressed to a 1 to 1 ratio (16 TDS and 16 ints) and his performance against KSU cost the Horns a chance at the National Championship. His running, however, has improved dramatically, and the kid has a big set of nuts on him. UT still has an outside shot at a BCS berth.
2. Okla. State QB Bobby Reid - At 6-3, 225 with a 4.5 40 yd dash, Reid averaged 250 yards a game and accounted for 30 TDS in 2006. How does he follow that up? By being benched after 2 games.
3. Michigan QB Chad Henne - On what was supposed to be a Big 10 title team, Henne has missed some time, and Big Blue has lost 3 games already. He won't match last year's 2.5 TDS to 1 int ratio this year, and his 2 to 1 ratio in 2007 is misleading, as he has been very average.
4. USC's late game defense - With a great front 4 and the nation's best linebackers, this was thought to be the Trojans' best D in years. The loss to Stanford was inexcusable.
5. Louisville WR Mario Urrutia - Coming off of a 60 catch season in 2006, the 6-7 Urruita was primed for a breakout year in 2007, and a likely early jump to the NFL. He too has missed some time, and his 26 grabs this year aren't going to impress NFL scouts.

We have to remember, folks, these are 19-20 year old kids in some cases, and sometimes they follow up success with pant crapping. In Urrutia's and McCoy's case, they can still right the ship, whereas Reid, Henne and SoCal's D are basically done.

TECH vs. texas....2007 edition....

This years version seems to be a match-up of Goliath gone bad(tu) vs. Typical Tech mediocrity.Stunningly, in a shocker, I like our chances this year . With a descent performance from the defensive side of the ball (with lot's of pressure on lil colty)and some semblance of a running game to keep the banged -up tu secondary honest, Graham and "The Crabman" should have big games. Jamal Charles has me worried but a couple of good, hard shots and he's good for a couple of fumbles.GUN'S UP , horns down.....41-31....PEACE.

ahhhh! JESUS COVE

Well boys... it looks as though our boy Cove is back to his old tricks, beatrix must have blown him out. BOO...IT'S TIME!!!

No Fuckin' Way! GMorriss out at BU

Commy X is in mourning, David Gettis wants to transfer to U of H, and this deal is headed to Hell in a hand basket. That's right, 18 up and 38 down just doesn't get it done, even at a private Baptist school. Baylor U has decided that Guy Morriss is out, after five years in Waco. This really proves what I've said all along: The Big 12 South is the toughest division in college football. Morriss was able to get a basketball school (Kentucky) to go 7-5 in the rugged SEC, but couldn't field a winner at Baylor. Morriss has the background, he was a starter on 2 Super Bowl teams (Philly in 1980 and New England in 1986) and did help revive UK's football program. Baylor used to crank out a lot of NFL players back in the day, particularly on the defensive side of the ball (Mike Singletary, Thomas Everett, James Francis, Don Blackmon, etc.), but hasn't been able to recruit since entering the Big 12. I still believe the potential is there for BU to be good, but they need the right coach. CM's hot name to watch: Alabama O.C. Major Applewhite.

Red Raiders win hands down

With a swim-team like this , who needs a big 12 football title. OK .....I've dreamed of a title my whole life for my beloved Red raiders but if any thing was gonna change my outlook , here it is ...WOW!

My punishment for Dog the Bounty Hunter

Mulletted reality TV douche Duane "Dog" Chapman, famous for imploring whacked out Hawaiian bail jumpers to "get off the ice, bra", is in a bit of a jam for dropping repeated n-bombs on his son's girlfriend. DChapman showed up on Larry King last night, saying that he thought he could use the n-word freely, cus "he was down with the brothers". In hindsight, he says, not a good move. I gotta tell you, I played on football teams that were 90% African American for years and erastus and myself used to routinely go into the hood and be the only white guys on the basketball court, but I never got the idea that dropping the n-word was cool. DuaneC did seem remorseful, but I don't think it's enough. I'd like to suggest that Stone Cold Steve Austin show up in Hawaii and stun (a move where he kicks the victim in the balls, then neck drops him when he bends down) Dog repeatedly. This is a fate erastus has been openly hoping for for years. Not only is the time right, but this will give closure, wildly entertaining closure, to this ugly incident.

fatass to join olberman over on msnbc...wow

maybe this ridiculos excuse for a woman can find some use for olberman's crank. she also is going to be opposite O'reilly , that should make for some interesting t.v..this whale is by far the ugliest , dike-bitch i've ever laid eyes on .

Worst crank ever!!!

MSNBC's Keith Olbermann has a segment on his show called "Worst Human Ever" or some shit like that, where he picks someone who doesn't agree with his politics and hammers them. This guy went from genius (on ESPN) to moron on MSNBC, where his show is just awful. I seem to remember some former flame of KOlbermann saying "he has the worst penis on earth". Awesome. You're number one Keith!!

the assrapists eyeing Tommy Tuberville......plus the rest of EDS"s coaching carousel!!!

Just in from a hot source.....faggies trying to lure Tubs from Auburn. BYU's coach being mentioned as UCLA's "hot hire". If so then does Leach bail on Tech for his former alma mater. Leach's name has also been tossed around in L.A. about the UCLA job. Now..with Houston Nutt on the hot seat in Ark., Gailey at g-tech, the collapse in Lincoln, and even Lloyd Carr , there are several high profile spot's to fill with guy's like Jim Leavitt(south florida), Bo Pelini(d.c. at LSU),and some retreads like Terry Bowden, Larry Coker,and Gary Barnett(heading to the hilltop). Look for a lot of changes at some very prestigous places in the near future. PEACE. OUT.

CM's jism blasts

Ahh, yes, more opines than you can shake your goo spurting stick at, it's CM's jism blasts...I see where the Big 12 has 3 teams in the Top 10, and 4 in the Top 15, with only the Pac 10 having as many as 3 in said Top 15....The Cowboys 7-1 start is only tempered by the fact that they haven't run off with the division or the conference at this point with the Gints, Packers and Rions playing well, and the Saints (my preseason conference champs) charging fast...Texan Adrian Peterson (of the Minnesota Vikings) set the single game rushing record yesterday, and if he stays healthy, look out...X, erastus and myself know a little about this guy, he's really good...If you don't know anything about the Kansas football Jayhawks (9-0 # 4 in the AP poll), their best player is a kid from Dallas, LCB Aqib Talib (6-2, 187), a shutdown corner of the highest order...Their trigger man Todd Reesing is from the Lone Star state as well, bringing their total number of Texans to 26, and those guys always help...No politics, entertainment or apocalypse talk in this version of the fastest growing segment in cyberspace, maybe next time...Until then, CM out...

2012: Just another year, or 6.5 billion full dookie cannons?

Now this: Apparently 16th century French prophet Nostradamus has set 2012 as the year that time and the world, will come to an end. That is the interpretation of his "lost book" of quatrains (4 line predictions), as seen on the Hitler....errrr History Channel special last night. My first brush with Micheal De Nostradamus came in 1981, with the BF Orson Welles narrated The Man Who Saw Tomorrow, which Welles himself said he didn't believe. What I remember was the prediction of a 1986 plague, in which "man would become a man eater", as well as the 1999 beginning of World War III, where Persia (Iran) with the aid of Russian technology, would wage war against the West and Europe. He talked of a New City, (New York), being felled by a great "ball of fire" from the sky. Interest in Nostradamus post 9-11 is off the hook, as on Sept. 12th, 2001, he was the most Googled person on the planet. Translating his verses from French country gibberish to English makes for about the most vague reading you can get. In other words, they seem to be wide ass open to interpretation. In all actuality, he said this "end of time" thing could happen anywhere between 1992 and 2012. For whatever it's worth, in the Welles narrative, his prediction was that after WWIII, there would be centuries of peace with the world actually ending in 2997. So, do you go with the 2012 angle and head down and finance a bunch of "no payments until 2013" furniture and eat red meat and cheese every day while smoking with ranch dressing shots for chasers, or do you hop on your exercise bike and try to cut back on the booze while getting your credit score up? The choice is yours.

CM's literary genetic material crank blasts (formerly Quick Hits)

My Man Eric Schnupp, the Baylor assistant football coach who used his meat whistle to scotch guard a Waco bar counter, stepped down today....It's Baylor's loss, that dude has a set on him...Speakin' of pissin' while bein' tanked up, last night I was so blasted that I slipped while taking said whiz and fell head first into my shower, through the curtain, and my dome hit the ceramic soap holder built into the wall and shattered the fucker...the soap holder, I mean....It hurt (at least I think it did) and left a nice knot on my melon...Kind of a gentle reminder to try and not piss on the floor when lit, as this will reduce the chances of slipping in said urine, and breakin' stuff...I'm not adding that to the 4 concussions (that I know of, in reality the number is probably closer to 8) that I've had in my life, more out of embarrassment than anything else.....The last remaining member of The Rat Pack, comic Joey Bishop, passed away Wednesday at the age of 89, ending an era....Man, those dudes (Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr. and Peter Lawford) really knew how to party.....I've taken up smoking on a full time basis in their honor...Have a great weekend bastardbitch, CM out..

When you're 0-3 in league play, you piss on the bar for luck

That good ol' Baylor line's O-line coach is a whiz at motivation. That's why Eric Schnupp, decided to drop trow at Scruffy Murphy's, a Waco waterin' hole, then use his crank like a self-service car wash spray gun to "clean" the bar. Well done, E. If I was The University of Texas (Baylor's next opponent), I'd be pretty worried right about now.

CM's dick dew (formerly known as quick hits)

So the Cowboys got smoked by the Pats Sunday, and the AFC really is better than the NFC (8 of the last 10 Super Bowl Champs)...I feel shocked...Tech beat A&M, (that's 9 of the last 12) as I continue feeling shocked...Man, what's the deal with tryin' to piss off the Turks with some meaningless legislation?...I feel for the Armenians (the legislation condemns the 1915 murder of 100 Armenians, in what was basically an attempt at genocide and should have been addressed long ago) but the Turks are basically our best ally as far as Muslim nations go, and provide a much needed route to get supplies to our soldiers in Iraq.....This suspiciously looks like a way to deflect the fact that we are dominating Al Qeada under General Petraeus in Iraq as casualties are down, not up as is always reported when that is the case...War sucks, I really wish we weren't over there, but I also wish that those a-holes hadn't flown those civilian airplanes into the 2 largest buildings in our largest city either..Disgusted Dallas Cowboy fan, CM out..

CM's community jit shots

I'm going to a dinner get together with some parents of my sons, and one of the moms is a Communist...That's right, a commie...I'm a Libertarian myself, and have read a few Tolstoy novels, so this should be interesting..If the vodka gets flowing, look out.....Yes the locals are juiced about the upcoming Pats, 'Boys game this weekend, but if there ever was one for the locals to lose, this non-division, non-conference game would be better than losing to the Eagles or Gints, any day...The Nobel Prize being awarded to Al Gore, kind of cheapens the award, because his "award winning" film contains 9 documented inaccuracies....Some would say when Yassar Arafat won it, it was cheapened a long time ago...Nutritionist Dick Gregory turns 75 today, so happy B-Day Dickie...Hip Hop Police, (Chamillionaire, featuring Slick Rick) is the best Hip Hop jam I've heard in years and one of the top 5 rap songs ever...Enjoy your weekend kids, I'll be out standing up for the American way...

A comeback?!? at 38?

I know, I know. It's like I won't fuckin' die already. Today I asked for and received my release from the Dallas Xpress Minor League Football Club for the 2008 season, to pursue an opportunity with one of several other teams. A year removed (almost) from my near fatal auto accident, my body feels much stronger now, like I could take a few more hits. The season begins in February of '08, so I'll keep my many legions of fans updated as to my progress. This brings my number of unretirements to 4. HOGs unite, the Eastside Strongman is back.

Head on back to Batavia, Bills fan

The Cowboys beat the Bills in Buffalo last night, despite the overwhelming stench of Brut and the incredible number of IROC Z-28s in the parking lot. The 'Boys got a 53 yard FG as time expired from rookie kicker Nick Folk, a 6th round draft pick discovered by the Cowboys director of scouting Jeff Ireland, himself a former kicker at Baylor. Folk was banging them through from 58 yards in warmups, and came through twice in the clutch, after Bills coach Richard Jauron tried to ice him with a last second time out. Hey Bills fan: Just because your team wears red, white and blue, the Cowboys are the real America's Team. Click clack, bitch.

Columbus Day goo shots

Or Carpet bombing, or quick hits, or jus' sayin'...You get the point...UT gettin' beat by the Okies was more painful 'cus they could've won the fucker....Texas RB Jamaal Charles has sprinter's speed and good size, but he flat out won't make it in the NFL what with the constant fumbling (4 this year), none bigger than Saturday....If you see Limas Sweed, tell him it's football season...Marion Jones admitting she used steroids qualifies as a major let down, regardless if the people she was competing against were too....This is America folks, and we do things the right way, we win fair and square, we honor the Geneva Convention, regardless of the fact that our enemies target civilians or Canadians like Ben Johnson eat steroid sandwiches to win 100 meter races....Happy Columbus day, bastardbitch...CM out

Carpet Bombing from an A/P warrior

Dre' Woodson looked pretty average in last night's loss to the SC 'Cocks....He'll still make a mint in the NFL...The Phillies were hot enough to catch the Mets, but the luck of the draw put them in against the hottest team in the sports universe, The Colorado Rockies....The Phils are down 0-2, but it still ain't over tho'....Indians' pitcher C.C. Sabathia (a super TE prospect in high school at 6-7) can eat all the bacon he wants, when the tribe hits like they did last night...Me thinks the Yanks are in trouble....The Chinese are trying to poison the U.S. with their lead paint based imports, prompting massive recalls....Hey ChiComs:most of us grew up on lead-based paint, chewing number 2 pencils in school all the while, so you need to be focusing on bowl production not only for rice consumption, but for use in do-it-yourself moe haircuts....Harry "Dingy" Reid's (D-Nevada) resolution demanding an apology from Rush Limbaugh is a big waste of time, as, a)Limbaugh didn't say what was alleged, and b)Rush is kind of a blowhard anyway, so this just plays into his pub seeking hands...It's the weekend everybody, so if you happen to be at a party with an Oklahoma fan, get him/her so drunk that they pass out and then..Skim back yer dick and T-Bag 'em!....Maximoos out

DBonaduchey throws reality show douche over his shoulder

At the Fox Reality Show Awards, some jackhole named Johnny Fairplay was on stage and a chorus of boos erupted. The fact that there is an award show for reality tv is a mutherfuckin' mystery to me, but there is one. While Fairplay was being booed, Danny Bonaduce came on stage to let him know that he was being booed "because they hate you". To which Fairplay replied: "That's good, right?" Bonaduce tried to walk away, when Fairplay got him to turn around, then leaped into Bonaduce's arms with his supposed trademark "monkey hug". Bonaduce held Fairplay up for a second, then threw him over his head, causing Fairplay to land on his face. Check out the video at http://www.tmz.com/ .

Sideways happy 19th birthday to CM Jr.

Happy birthday son. It was 19 years ago today that I found out that I had stemmed the apple.

CM's TV tip o' the week

There's a lot goin' on this week, what wif de baseball playoffs, Spike TV running another "Rocky" marathon, Ice Road Truckers, and Dancing with the jackoffs. I'd like to suggest some star power for your perusal, the cat in the pic to de left. No, the kid in the photo is not some sort of detective on yet another CSI (Boise, anyone?). He's University of Kentucky QB Andre' Woodson, and he is straight-up dialed in. This Thursday, (ESPN) Woodson and his bluegrass mates head to South Carolina to take on ballcoach Stevie Spurrier's Gamecocks. It's not as big of a secret (especially to the two hosts of Sporting News Radio's weekend show, who were warned in July, by ME, about this kid) to the world anymore that Mr. Woodson is good, but you need to be tuning in to watch just exactly how Dre' gets down on Thursday.

A tale of 2 CMs

Ok,i missed the boat on a few CFB predictions.

Crassius Nostradumbass - Colt McCoy isn't the best QB in the Big 12 (I think he's still hurt, causing him low release angles on his passes which K-State was blocking, tipping and intercepting). Texas also has kick coverage issues, and maybe I overrated them a bit. The Arkansas Razorbacks also have been a a bit of a dissapointment, with NO passing game, as have the WVA Mountaineers (my 2008 pick to win it all). Don't count UT out against OU just yet tho'.

It's not all bad tho' as much like my Florida pick to win it all 2 years in advance (pre 2005 season),I have a few hits.

Crassius Nostradamus - My pre 2006 pick for LSU to win it all is right on track, and I said that (not only on the blog, but on a national radio show in July, where the two hosts said Kentucky was a crap team) don't be shocked when they end up in the top 25, led by super stud QB, Andre' Woodson.

Here at the deuce we acknowledge when we blow it, not like many other spots.

On socialized health care

Much has been made about a "national" (socialist) health care system where medical care is free for all. I'm all for medical care for the disadvantaged, but let's not eliminate private health care, for those who can afford it. Remember: If we go totally socialist on health care (with defined salary ceilings), a bunch of prospective doctors will opt for other professions. Which is cool, because God knows we could use more lawyers.

Why Mike Gundy is REALLY so pissed

By now, many have heard of the Jenny Carlson (OK City journalist who covers the Oklahoma State Cowboys) article in which she basically called QB Bobby Reid (6-4, 225 lbs with 4.5 speed who in 2006 accounted for 3000 total yards and 30 touchdowns, and very highly regarded by me in my Big 12 preview), a soft, scared momma's boy. Miss Carlson referred to inside sources and also cited her watching Reid's mother hand feed him chicken, which I actually think is kind of cute, in a motherly way. She neglected to mention that Bobby's hands were full of luggage when this happened. She also took Reid's comments that he was nervous before games (I've played in over 100 semi pro football games since I was 24, and I was nervous before every one of them) and changed that to imply that he was scared. She then at the end of the story, went back to the image of Reid's mother feeding him the chicken. This article was brought to the attention of Head Coach Mike Gundy after Reid was benched for the Texas Tech game this past Saturday. Gundy was pissed. In his post game press conference, Gundy lashed out at Carlson, calling her out for her cheap shots at Bobby Reid. I respect him for sticking up for Reid,(Hell, I thought he was the best player on the whole OSU team, and now he has been benched!) as coming hard after college athletes isn't cool in my book. However, hidden beneath Gundy's anger has to be the fact that a guy who throws for 2400 yards, 24 tds and only 11 ints to go along with 6 tds and 600 yards rushing as a sophomore, is now being benched as a junior. Season on the brink in Stillwater? More like season in the tank, and Gundy's realization of this manifested itself, at least partially in his tirade. I'd be pissed, too.

Yesterday.......

4.5 40 yd dash, two handed dunks, and a constant erection. Man, I miss dat nigga. Whlist I get thru my technical problems, try to think of me in this way.

Mutherfuckers go bananas like it was Planet of The Apes

When W speaks, his detractors are filled with rage. I certainly have issues with our President, I'm just not fuming about it like some cats. The main thing is that he has taken more shots than any President ever, and he just goes about his business with no response or regard for the insults he takes. Hell, one of my favorite bands ever, Rage Against The Machine, called for his murder. I still love their music, I'm just not down with the assassination angle.

Shield '07: It's the Pats over the Saints

In my yearly NFL blog devaluing preview, I'll go with the New England Patriots over the New Orleans Saints in the Super Bowl. Now, back to Moe haircuts and space people.

Man, that's a lot of Moe haircuts

Now this: In addition to messed up Barbie dolls and toothpaste, the Chinese are exporting faulty condoms that burst on impact, according to The Washington Post. With a population well over a billion, they must be using them as well.

The one year anniversary of "Blog Wars"

VS.

That's right, y'all, this marks the one year anniversary of our cyber cage fight with the bitch ass bitches at I talk2gotdamnmutherfuckin'much.com. Really doe, my beef wasn't wif the blue flamin' hookers on that site, just one lil' ho ass m'fucker who calls himself "Charred". This site basically rates blogs so The Steve-O in H-Town submitted The Jammy, and of course our love of sports got us lambasted by these whores. The Steve-O then fired a few zingers back at them, prompting this charred (he's some dude with a shaved head and a goatee who probably used to get his milk money taken from him on a daily basis) character to tell him to "go back where you came from, before you get hurt". That led to the posting of this picture (of me at my biggest, 232 lbs in June of 2006) and the subsequent request for charred to hurt ME if he wanted to get down like that. The "cyber-war" lasted about a week and made for some good readin', as well as accusations of rampant steroid abuse on my part (which I take as one hell of a compliment, 'cuz I was naturally built through hard work and diet). Shit has changed over the past year, as I can't post on the Jammy (the original, which I started with 100mph and The Steve-O in 2005) anymore (thanks to Blogger) and have to get down over here on the Deuce with Comrade X. I certainly ain't that swoll (muscular) any more ( I'm down to 217, and can't bench 300 lbs anymore), and I don't really harbor any ill will towards those douches over at that spot. I will , however, leave it at this: In a spat between The Jammy Jackasses and the italk2much.com douche bags, always go with the Jackass, as HE possesses the bigger crank.....Swoll Crassius out.

Uh oh,....What's this...this sucks

Both the Dallas Cowboys and Texas Longhorns, the state's most beloved football consortiums, have some similar issues: The cornerbacks. The 'Boys are dealing with the foot injury of their best cover corner, Terrance Newman. He's got the dreaded plantar fasciatis, which affects his ability to plant and cut, which is a bad deal fo' a corner. It can linger all year, or it can go away in a week. If he can't go, safety Roy Williams will be more exposed than ever (in space), which is also below average. As for the 'Horns, they have opted to go with upperclassman Ryan Palmer over the super talented frosh Chykie Brown on the right side, and are casting their lot with senior Brandon Foster over super soph Deon Beasley on the left side. That means the kids (Brown and Beasley) ain't ready. Texas is still great upfront and has some talented LBs, along with a great set of offensive skill players, but know this: There are 3 positions in football that if you suck, everyone sees it, and it always costs you games some where. They are: QB, Left Tackle and yes, you guessed it: Cornerback. I'm not saying that Palmer and Foster will be bad, I'm just saying I don't know. I do know that 35 year old Aaron Glenn is a steep falloff from Terrance Newman, and that injury could be a season wrecker...... In other news, Baylor has determined that QB Mike Machen (the projected starter), who couldn't cut it at Kent State, isn't quite up to Baylor standards either, and they are going to wait until about an hour before the opening kickoff against TCU this Saturday to name the starter (Blake Szymanski, anyone?). Enjoy, Comra,...errrrr, Bear fan.........Football season officially begins tomorrow with LSU vs. Mississippi State.

Man has 23 tumors on face removed

A Chinese man had 23 tumors from his face removed, and apparently WWE wrestler Farooq showed up at his bedside and uttered his trademark: DAMN!!!

MVick: Cops a plea

Man, when this cat was at VTech, I thought: This dude is better than OU's Jamelle Holloway, who was, at the time, the best option QB I'd ever seen. His speed is unheard of and if he was a safety, he'd probably be the best ever. He could probably play RB or WR and be good at it. As a human, he comes up a lil' short. The word is Mike Vick will cop a plea and do some jail time for his involvement in a dog fighting ring. I'm not a dog-lover per se, but dogfighting is brutal and just plain wrong. The execution of weaker dogs is flat out evil. I don't domesticate animals but, I realize that they are God's creatures and centainly derive no pleasure from their suffering. Mike, you are a helluva player, but what you did was not cool. Enjoy your time in the hoosegow, holmes, you deserve it.

The (Comrade) X Games

Deuce contributor Comrade X has his own version of extreme sports: Pants down broad jumping into rural traffic.

Italian QBs: They help your football

Now this: The UNT Mean Green have named Giovanni Vizza to be their starting QB in 2007. The true freshman from San Antonio has won the job and will be the starter. This all but guarantees a championship season. I don't have to name all of the famous Ito-American QBs, but I will: Brett Favreoini, Payton Manningini, Tom Bradelli and my favorite, the dark skinned (he's probably Sicilian), Vinnie Youngiorno.

Tony S. lands on his feet

Sopranos' star James Gandolfini has signed on to play former Nike and Adidas impresario Sonny Vaccaro, in an upcoming HBO film. Vaccaro (along with Nike) revolutionized the sports shoe industry with his aggressive marketing stylings. Waaay back in the day, when Converse shoes dominated the market, Vaccaro came along and took on the 800 lb. gorilla, by hitting him with everything he had. Back then, college basketball programs had to buy their own shoes and equipment, with maybe a select few getting a "2 for 1" deal. Vaccaro said to hell with that and just gave the programs Nike shoes and equipment, with the understanding that they would become "Nike schools", exclusively. This all played into recruiting, as Nike would sponsor basketball camps for high school players, and they would eventually be steered to Nike schools by street agents (recruiters within the Nike network), so it was a double win-win proposition. If you want to understand the whole sorted process, read the book Raw Recruits, and it will give you an up close view of the seedy underbelly of college sports.