Gotdamnit!!!!

My favorite Ranger ever is gone. The GREAT Eric Gagne has been dealt to the BoSox, and I'm not happy about it. The fucking Rangers blow.

The "Genius", Bill Walsh, dead at 75

Former Stanford and San Francisco 49ers coach Bill Walsh has passed away at 75. Being a Dallas Cowboy fan, I couldn't stand him at times. Being a coach and former QB, I basically worshipped at the altar of his teachings: The famed "West Coast" offense. It was (and is) an offense I believe in and enjoyed playing in. It's a complicated offense (I've seen playbooks 500-600 pages thick based on the offense) that relies on short passes in an attempt to "out flank" one's opponent. If you are a pass catcher, you don't have to be super fast, if you are a pass thrower, you don't have to have a big arm. Your running backs don't have to be the prototypical "I" back (i.e. 20-25 carries a game running from the I-formation), they do need to be able to catch, as do your tight ends, who by the way don't have to be enourmous either. A genius offense that can make an average team competitive, and a good team great. Some of the philosophy comes from Paul Brown, but most of it was perfected by Bill Walsh. The football world lost a legend today, even if he was a 49er.

The "Cavemen" are coming

Yep, those boys from the Geico ads are heading to ABC, replacing The George Lopez Show. I never watched Lopez' show, but I gotta tell you, I am kinda interested in the Cavemen.

Smokin' weed, drinkin' beer, doin' coke...

It's time to smoke some weed!! Or engage in a high speed chase while drunk and carrying a sack of cocaine. Cute lil' Irish trollop Lindsey Lohan was taken in on DUI charges yesterday, after reportedly being involved in a high speed chase with another vehicle. She also had some coke in her pocket. Well done, Linds. What I don't understand is why she doesn't just rent (or own) a limo complete with a driver? Then you can rip rails and pound vodka with little or no risk. Except whatever health risk such activity may entail. Y'know, if you get down like that.

"It's my island"

That's right, Irish. It's your British Open Championship as well Paddy Harrington. Props for the up and down after the two you dropped in the drink, as it came in handy.

Beatin' A.Dick like a red headed step child

I'm not a huge Jon Lovitz fan, and I think Andy Dick can be moderately funny, but the incident which took place last Wednesday at an LA comedy club puts them both front and center on the Deuce today. Apparently, in 1997 at a party at the late Phil Hartman's house, Andy broke out the snow and started rippin' rails and invited Hartman's wife to join in. One small problem: Mrs. Hartman had been cocaine free for 10 years, after having issues with drug. 5 months later, she killed Phil Hartman. Hartman, whose numerous appearances on The Simpsons (as Troy McClure and Lionel Hutz) were absolute comic genius, was working on the show Talk Radio (along with Andy Dick) at the time of his death. Hartman's close friend Jon Lovitz was called to replace Hartman, and apparently Dick wasn't pleased. After voicing his displeasure to Lovitz, Lovitz fired back: "I wouldn't be here if you hadn't given Phil's wife that coke ." A few years later, Dick spotted Lovitz and a friend having drinks and strolled over to their table and whispered to Lovitz: "I put the Hartman curse on you, you're next to die." The stunned Lovitz was about to punch Dick, but realized he was in a friend's restaurant and held back. Then, last week at an LA comedy club where Lovitz has a regular gig, Dick showed up and began acting like, well, a dick. Lovitz confronted Dick about what he said to which Dick responded: "I said it because you said I killed Phil Hartman". The enraged Lovitz then grabbed Dick and slammed his face into the bar 4 or 5 times, causing Dick to bleed profusely. "The rest of the comics were glad I did it, because Dick is an a-hole", Lovitz said. I happen to think that Phil Hartman seemed like a nice guy and he certainly didn't deserve to die, and Andy Dick shouldn't have made light of his death to Lovitz, Hartman's close friend. I don't really think Lovitz is that funny, but I like him a lot more after hearing this story.

Oh well, screw me

Now this: The Deuce has learned that Okie State WR Artrell Woods has suffered a season ending back injury during a workout on Friday. Why is that significant here? Because I thought he was the key player for the Cowboys to have a successful season, with his blazing speed taking the pressure off of the All-World cat on the other side of him, Adarius Bowman. Now that burden falls to the super hyped true freshman Desmond Bryant (6-1 220, Parade HS All American). The season hasn't started yet and my football cred is already taking hits. Whatever. I still picked Florida to win it all 2 years in advance, so get off me, ho.

Turkish rockers face firing squad for "racy" song lyrics

Ok, not really. And the dude in the photo is a Turk, but he's not a member of the Turkish punk rock band "Deli" (Crazy). Deli is in a bit of a jam because of a song titled OSYM, in reference to the three-hour, multiple choice exam held each June in Turkey, which can determine a young Turk's career prospects. The lyrics go like this: "Life should not be a prison because of an exam/ I have gotten lost/ You have ruined my future/ I am going to tell you one thing: / Shove that exam.." The boys actually face either 18 months in prison or a warning, not the death penalty, as Unal Yarimagan the head of the university placement system, ratted them out to state prosecutors. What's interesting to note here is that all of the band members passed the test. Props to you, Turkish rock star man, you don't do "rules".

CM's Randomoid College Football Preview: PSU

Coach Joseph Paterno (no, Lion fan he's not the Joesph referred to when exclaiming: Jesus, Mary and Joseph) has averaged about 9 wins a year at PSU for 40 plus years. It's the most obvious way to keep a job, people: consistent excellence. Give him time to prepare, (i.e. for bowl games) and he'll deal on you. After a few down years ('03 and '04) the Detective Columbo doppelganger started recruiting speed more heavily, and it has raised his football I.Q. once again.

Best Player: (#40) - MLB - Dan Connor - 6-3 - 233 - CB Justin King also was a consideration, but this is linebacker U and Connor is the real deal. JoPa will slide Connor inside to take over for Paul Posluszny, which will also get the very talented OLB Tyrell Sales on the field. Connor has been a day one contributor, and Ohio State's James Laurinaitus is the only guy I can think of who is in Connor's class at the MLB spot in the nation
Player to watch: (#2) - WR - Derrick Williams - 6-0 - 203 - OC Galen Hall has moved Williams all over the field in attempts to get him the ball, and along with Deon Butler he gives PSU a salty WR corps. He is a legitimate 4.2 guy, and a game changer. He also returns punts
Player successful season most hinges on: (#14) - QB - Anthony Morelli - 6-4 -232 - One of my PSU contacts has referred to Morelli as "kind of a dunce", which can't be comforting for Lion fan. His football I.Q. will increase with some help from a developing O-line. He has an absolute cannon for an arm, and is one tough hombre. If RB Austin Scott (5th year senior) will finally live up to his 5 star prospect billing, Morelli will get even smarter
Why they will win the Big 10: The young D-line steps up and they find a way to win at the Big House by stopping Michigan's potent O. Austin Scott having a Larry Johnson type season would take this from a lofty goal to a realistic reality
Why they won't: Michigan gets them at Ann Arbor, and it seems like PSU hasn't beaten the Wolverines in a decade or so. UM's streak is likely to continue, but it's no slam dunk as PSU is very capable of winning this game

Predicted Record: 11-1, Big 10 runner-up, BCS Bowl

Ahh, yes, the titleless post. Thanks blogger! Pictured to the left is an artist's rendering of our boy Comrade X, who unwittingly drew the boys from http://www.addiction.com/ over to his gas baggy, long winded WC Brann, Iconoclast post. The post spoke about the ills of prohibition, stating that the food of that time period (the late 1890's) was probably just as harmful as the alcohol the prohibitionists were railing against, yet there was no outcry for nutrition regulation. It was a great post, which drew a comment from a reader by the name of alcoholism, suggesting that we check the afore mentioned website specifically for those with alcohol and drug addictions. HEY, ALCOHOLISM: We're drunkards, not alcoholics. Alcoholics go to meetings.....Thank you, and......Good day!

Big 12 South Preview: Texas

While Mack Brown is 93-22 in 9 years at Austin, things haven't always been rosy. During the rockiest of periods (where they were getting 60 put on them by OU), Coach February (a back handed compliment to Brown's incredible recruiting skills) convinced one Vincent Young from Houston Madison High to attend UT instead of Miami. Then he turned him loose. Now he owns the most lopsided 2 season victory streak in the UT/OU bloodbath, last year getting a big win without Vince. Confidence means everything, folks. A dazzling set of offensive weapons (the best in the Big 12 and maybe the nation), a great front seven, and a young but heralded secondary look to get UT another Big 12 title, and a good look at the national title.

Best Player: (#12) - QB - Colt McCoy - 6-3 - 205 - The super soph is the best QB in the conference, and when you put up the type of ratio he did in 2006, (29 TD & 7 int), it usually puts you where you need to be. McCoy was injured and faded a lil' down the stretch, or he would have been invited to New York for the Heisman as a freshman. That means you are real good, people. He's added 15 lbs of muscle and when they say he looks better in practice than last year, it carries a lil' more weight than a QB with NO prior experience (see OU).
Player to watch: (#25) - RB - Jamaal Charles - 6-1 - 200 - He's got what the pros love: Sprinter's speed. If he gets a step on you, it's peace out. He shouldn't have to platoon this year, so it will mean more carries, and with Texas' WR corps (the best in the nation) he will have some chances
Player successful season most hinges on: (#26) - SS - Marcus Griffin - 6-0 - 202 - The main thing for lil' Griff (big bro Mike is in the NFL) is to help get the 2 young CBs Chykie Brown and Deon Beasley on the right track. He'll have help from FS Drew Kelson, a cat whose head has to be spinning from the move from DB to LB, then back to DB, but he has tremendous athletic ability

Why they will win the Big 12: They have the best QB, which tips the scales in the Red River Shootout that first Saturday in October
Why they won't: Charles gets hurt, or the young corners can't play a lick

Predicted record: 11-1, Big 12 South Champs, BCS berth

Big 12 South Preview: Oklahoma

Ahhh, yes these bastards. 79-12 over the past 7 seasons under Bob Stoops, best in the nation in that span. Even though Adrian Peterson is gone, they have a stable of backs, the o-line that was young last year is now growing together, they have 2 great receivers, a great d-line, fast linebackers and the best secondary in the nation. So how in the hell will they not win the Big 12 and contend for a national title? In a shocker, it's because of that QB position. Only Joey Hazle has ever thrown an NCAA pass (1 out of 2 for 15 yds in 2006, numbers similar to CM's 2007 season) and I don't think he will be the starter.


Best Player: (#4) - WR - Malcolm Kelly - 6-4 - 217 - The junior wideout is on equal footing with UT's Limas Sweed, LSU's Early Doucet, PSU's Derrick Williams and UL's Mario Urrutia as the best WR in the country. This cat has been good since day one (100 catches in his first 2 years), so you have to account for him
Player to watch: (#5) - FS - Nic Harris - 6-3 - 226 - The term "free safety" is stretched to the limit with the powerfully built Harris, but it doesn't matter as OU crosses their safeties anyway (i.e. they both have coverage and blitzing duties). This guy is better than Miami's Kenny Phillips and Notre Dame's Tom Zbikowski. Great tackler
Player successful season most hinges on: (#14) - QB - Sam Bradford - 6-5 - 197 - Was there ever a doubt? The redshirt freshman supposedly was dazzling in spring practice, but we are talkin' bout practice, right?

Why they will win the Big 12: Overwhelming talent and great coaching. All they have to do is beat Texas, which is like saying: Yeah, just knock Floyd Mayweather out, that's all.
Why they won't: It's just too hard with a QB with NO experience. Not a NEW QB, like say Nebraska's Sam Keller (he played at ASU before arriving in Lincoln), but a GREEN QB like Bradford or Notre Dame's Jimmy Clausen

Predicted record: 11-1, BCS bowl berth

Big 12 South Preview: Texas A&M

The Ags enter year 5 of th' Franchione (pronounced Franchoney) program and after losing about 8 games in 10 years at home under R.C. Slocum, they've lost 9 in the past 4 years at College Station. Slocum was about defense and Franchione is about offense. DT Red Bryant, DE Chris Harrington, LB Misi Tupe and CB Danny Gorrer make up the best Wreckin' Cru in years, but this deal is still about O.


Best Player: (#13) -TE- Martellus Bennett - 6-7 - 248 - Kind of a wacky deal, because truly GREAT TEs are hard to find, and some things they do go unnoticed. Not Bennett, who is big, fast, agile (he has D-1 basketball ability) and strong. He is one of the few tight ends in recent memory who can go the distance on any play. Not only that Ag fan, he's only a junior

Player to watch: (#11) -RB- Jovorskie Lane -6-0- 274 - 19 TDs as a sophomore, Jo L is a LOAD. He is a momentum changing player and a perfect yin (power) to super soph (#3) RB Mike Goodson's (4.32 speed) yang. Jovorskie Lane is a true battering ram

Player successful season most hinges on: (#7) -QB- Stephen McGee - 6-3 -208 - I know, I know, QBs, get a lot of the play in my previews, I guess I just can't help myself, but the Big 12 is the best conference in the nation for QBs right now (6 of the top 15 in the nation, I believe) . McGee's thang is the ol' dual threat deal, he can run good (not great) and throw good (again not great), and he is one hell of a leader. If they beat Miami on national TV, look out

Why they will win the Big 12: It would take a perfect storm of everybody having their best seasons and just a lil' more. If the D-line is utterly dominating, the shit is not out of the question
Why they won't: The road schedule is a straight up gauntlet (Miami, TTech, Nebraska, Missouri and OU) and although the Texas game is at home, those boys will be pretty pissed off...I don't care who you are, you never want to see that train comin' to town


Predicted record: 8-4, Alamo Bowl