Gotdamnit!!!!

My favorite Ranger ever is gone. The GREAT Eric Gagne has been dealt to the BoSox, and I'm not happy about it. The fucking Rangers blow.

The "Genius", Bill Walsh, dead at 75

Former Stanford and San Francisco 49ers coach Bill Walsh has passed away at 75. Being a Dallas Cowboy fan, I couldn't stand him at times. Being a coach and former QB, I basically worshipped at the altar of his teachings: The famed "West Coast" offense. It was (and is) an offense I believe in and enjoyed playing in. It's a complicated offense (I've seen playbooks 500-600 pages thick based on the offense) that relies on short passes in an attempt to "out flank" one's opponent. If you are a pass catcher, you don't have to be super fast, if you are a pass thrower, you don't have to have a big arm. Your running backs don't have to be the prototypical "I" back (i.e. 20-25 carries a game running from the I-formation), they do need to be able to catch, as do your tight ends, who by the way don't have to be enourmous either. A genius offense that can make an average team competitive, and a good team great. Some of the philosophy comes from Paul Brown, but most of it was perfected by Bill Walsh. The football world lost a legend today, even if he was a 49er.

The "Cavemen" are coming

Yep, those boys from the Geico ads are heading to ABC, replacing The George Lopez Show. I never watched Lopez' show, but I gotta tell you, I am kinda interested in the Cavemen.

Smokin' weed, drinkin' beer, doin' coke...

It's time to smoke some weed!! Or engage in a high speed chase while drunk and carrying a sack of cocaine. Cute lil' Irish trollop Lindsey Lohan was taken in on DUI charges yesterday, after reportedly being involved in a high speed chase with another vehicle. She also had some coke in her pocket. Well done, Linds. What I don't understand is why she doesn't just rent (or own) a limo complete with a driver? Then you can rip rails and pound vodka with little or no risk. Except whatever health risk such activity may entail. Y'know, if you get down like that.

"It's my island"

That's right, Irish. It's your British Open Championship as well Paddy Harrington. Props for the up and down after the two you dropped in the drink, as it came in handy.

Beatin' A.Dick like a red headed step child

I'm not a huge Jon Lovitz fan, and I think Andy Dick can be moderately funny, but the incident which took place last Wednesday at an LA comedy club puts them both front and center on the Deuce today. Apparently, in 1997 at a party at the late Phil Hartman's house, Andy broke out the snow and started rippin' rails and invited Hartman's wife to join in. One small problem: Mrs. Hartman had been cocaine free for 10 years, after having issues with drug. 5 months later, she killed Phil Hartman. Hartman, whose numerous appearances on The Simpsons (as Troy McClure and Lionel Hutz) were absolute comic genius, was working on the show Talk Radio (along with Andy Dick) at the time of his death. Hartman's close friend Jon Lovitz was called to replace Hartman, and apparently Dick wasn't pleased. After voicing his displeasure to Lovitz, Lovitz fired back: "I wouldn't be here if you hadn't given Phil's wife that coke ." A few years later, Dick spotted Lovitz and a friend having drinks and strolled over to their table and whispered to Lovitz: "I put the Hartman curse on you, you're next to die." The stunned Lovitz was about to punch Dick, but realized he was in a friend's restaurant and held back. Then, last week at an LA comedy club where Lovitz has a regular gig, Dick showed up and began acting like, well, a dick. Lovitz confronted Dick about what he said to which Dick responded: "I said it because you said I killed Phil Hartman". The enraged Lovitz then grabbed Dick and slammed his face into the bar 4 or 5 times, causing Dick to bleed profusely. "The rest of the comics were glad I did it, because Dick is an a-hole", Lovitz said. I happen to think that Phil Hartman seemed like a nice guy and he certainly didn't deserve to die, and Andy Dick shouldn't have made light of his death to Lovitz, Hartman's close friend. I don't really think Lovitz is that funny, but I like him a lot more after hearing this story.

Oh well, screw me

Now this: The Deuce has learned that Okie State WR Artrell Woods has suffered a season ending back injury during a workout on Friday. Why is that significant here? Because I thought he was the key player for the Cowboys to have a successful season, with his blazing speed taking the pressure off of the All-World cat on the other side of him, Adarius Bowman. Now that burden falls to the super hyped true freshman Desmond Bryant (6-1 220, Parade HS All American). The season hasn't started yet and my football cred is already taking hits. Whatever. I still picked Florida to win it all 2 years in advance, so get off me, ho.