2012: Just another year, or 6.5 billion full dookie cannons?

Now this: Apparently 16th century French prophet Nostradamus has set 2012 as the year that time and the world, will come to an end. That is the interpretation of his "lost book" of quatrains (4 line predictions), as seen on the Hitler....errrr History Channel special last night. My first brush with Micheal De Nostradamus came in 1981, with the BF Orson Welles narrated The Man Who Saw Tomorrow, which Welles himself said he didn't believe. What I remember was the prediction of a 1986 plague, in which "man would become a man eater", as well as the 1999 beginning of World War III, where Persia (Iran) with the aid of Russian technology, would wage war against the West and Europe. He talked of a New City, (New York), being felled by a great "ball of fire" from the sky. Interest in Nostradamus post 9-11 is off the hook, as on Sept. 12th, 2001, he was the most Googled person on the planet. Translating his verses from French country gibberish to English makes for about the most vague reading you can get. In other words, they seem to be wide ass open to interpretation. In all actuality, he said this "end of time" thing could happen anywhere between 1992 and 2012. For whatever it's worth, in the Welles narrative, his prediction was that after WWIII, there would be centuries of peace with the world actually ending in 2997. So, do you go with the 2012 angle and head down and finance a bunch of "no payments until 2013" furniture and eat red meat and cheese every day while smoking with ranch dressing shots for chasers, or do you hop on your exercise bike and try to cut back on the booze while getting your credit score up? The choice is yours.

CM's literary genetic material crank blasts (formerly Quick Hits)

My Man Eric Schnupp, the Baylor assistant football coach who used his meat whistle to scotch guard a Waco bar counter, stepped down today....It's Baylor's loss, that dude has a set on him...Speakin' of pissin' while bein' tanked up, last night I was so blasted that I slipped while taking said whiz and fell head first into my shower, through the curtain, and my dome hit the ceramic soap holder built into the wall and shattered the fucker...the soap holder, I mean....It hurt (at least I think it did) and left a nice knot on my melon...Kind of a gentle reminder to try and not piss on the floor when lit, as this will reduce the chances of slipping in said urine, and breakin' stuff...I'm not adding that to the 4 concussions (that I know of, in reality the number is probably closer to 8) that I've had in my life, more out of embarrassment than anything else.....The last remaining member of The Rat Pack, comic Joey Bishop, passed away Wednesday at the age of 89, ending an era....Man, those dudes (Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr. and Peter Lawford) really knew how to party.....I've taken up smoking on a full time basis in their honor...Have a great weekend bastardbitch, CM out..

When you're 0-3 in league play, you piss on the bar for luck

That good ol' Baylor line's O-line coach is a whiz at motivation. That's why Eric Schnupp, decided to drop trow at Scruffy Murphy's, a Waco waterin' hole, then use his crank like a self-service car wash spray gun to "clean" the bar. Well done, E. If I was The University of Texas (Baylor's next opponent), I'd be pretty worried right about now.

CM's dick dew (formerly known as quick hits)

So the Cowboys got smoked by the Pats Sunday, and the AFC really is better than the NFC (8 of the last 10 Super Bowl Champs)...I feel shocked...Tech beat A&M, (that's 9 of the last 12) as I continue feeling shocked...Man, what's the deal with tryin' to piss off the Turks with some meaningless legislation?...I feel for the Armenians (the legislation condemns the 1915 murder of 100 Armenians, in what was basically an attempt at genocide and should have been addressed long ago) but the Turks are basically our best ally as far as Muslim nations go, and provide a much needed route to get supplies to our soldiers in Iraq.....This suspiciously looks like a way to deflect the fact that we are dominating Al Qeada under General Petraeus in Iraq as casualties are down, not up as is always reported when that is the case...War sucks, I really wish we weren't over there, but I also wish that those a-holes hadn't flown those civilian airplanes into the 2 largest buildings in our largest city either..Disgusted Dallas Cowboy fan, CM out..

CM's community jit shots

I'm going to a dinner get together with some parents of my sons, and one of the moms is a Communist...That's right, a commie...I'm a Libertarian myself, and have read a few Tolstoy novels, so this should be interesting..If the vodka gets flowing, look out.....Yes the locals are juiced about the upcoming Pats, 'Boys game this weekend, but if there ever was one for the locals to lose, this non-division, non-conference game would be better than losing to the Eagles or Gints, any day...The Nobel Prize being awarded to Al Gore, kind of cheapens the award, because his "award winning" film contains 9 documented inaccuracies....Some would say when Yassar Arafat won it, it was cheapened a long time ago...Nutritionist Dick Gregory turns 75 today, so happy B-Day Dickie...Hip Hop Police, (Chamillionaire, featuring Slick Rick) is the best Hip Hop jam I've heard in years and one of the top 5 rap songs ever...Enjoy your weekend kids, I'll be out standing up for the American way...

A comeback?!? at 38?

I know, I know. It's like I won't fuckin' die already. Today I asked for and received my release from the Dallas Xpress Minor League Football Club for the 2008 season, to pursue an opportunity with one of several other teams. A year removed (almost) from my near fatal auto accident, my body feels much stronger now, like I could take a few more hits. The season begins in February of '08, so I'll keep my many legions of fans updated as to my progress. This brings my number of unretirements to 4. HOGs unite, the Eastside Strongman is back.

Head on back to Batavia, Bills fan

The Cowboys beat the Bills in Buffalo last night, despite the overwhelming stench of Brut and the incredible number of IROC Z-28s in the parking lot. The 'Boys got a 53 yard FG as time expired from rookie kicker Nick Folk, a 6th round draft pick discovered by the Cowboys director of scouting Jeff Ireland, himself a former kicker at Baylor. Folk was banging them through from 58 yards in warmups, and came through twice in the clutch, after Bills coach Richard Jauron tried to ice him with a last second time out. Hey Bills fan: Just because your team wears red, white and blue, the Cowboys are the real America's Team. Click clack, bitch.

Columbus Day goo shots

Or Carpet bombing, or quick hits, or jus' sayin'...You get the point...UT gettin' beat by the Okies was more painful 'cus they could've won the fucker....Texas RB Jamaal Charles has sprinter's speed and good size, but he flat out won't make it in the NFL what with the constant fumbling (4 this year), none bigger than Saturday....If you see Limas Sweed, tell him it's football season...Marion Jones admitting she used steroids qualifies as a major let down, regardless if the people she was competing against were too....This is America folks, and we do things the right way, we win fair and square, we honor the Geneva Convention, regardless of the fact that our enemies target civilians or Canadians like Ben Johnson eat steroid sandwiches to win 100 meter races....Happy Columbus day, bastardbitch...CM out

Carpet Bombing from an A/P warrior

Dre' Woodson looked pretty average in last night's loss to the SC 'Cocks....He'll still make a mint in the NFL...The Phillies were hot enough to catch the Mets, but the luck of the draw put them in against the hottest team in the sports universe, The Colorado Rockies....The Phils are down 0-2, but it still ain't over tho'....Indians' pitcher C.C. Sabathia (a super TE prospect in high school at 6-7) can eat all the bacon he wants, when the tribe hits like they did last night...Me thinks the Yanks are in trouble....The Chinese are trying to poison the U.S. with their lead paint based imports, prompting massive recalls....Hey ChiComs:most of us grew up on lead-based paint, chewing number 2 pencils in school all the while, so you need to be focusing on bowl production not only for rice consumption, but for use in do-it-yourself moe haircuts....Harry "Dingy" Reid's (D-Nevada) resolution demanding an apology from Rush Limbaugh is a big waste of time, as, a)Limbaugh didn't say what was alleged, and b)Rush is kind of a blowhard anyway, so this just plays into his pub seeking hands...It's the weekend everybody, so if you happen to be at a party with an Oklahoma fan, get him/her so drunk that they pass out and then..Skim back yer dick and T-Bag 'em!....Maximoos out

DBonaduchey throws reality show douche over his shoulder

At the Fox Reality Show Awards, some jackhole named Johnny Fairplay was on stage and a chorus of boos erupted. The fact that there is an award show for reality tv is a mutherfuckin' mystery to me, but there is one. While Fairplay was being booed, Danny Bonaduce came on stage to let him know that he was being booed "because they hate you". To which Fairplay replied: "That's good, right?" Bonaduce tried to walk away, when Fairplay got him to turn around, then leaped into Bonaduce's arms with his supposed trademark "monkey hug". Bonaduce held Fairplay up for a second, then threw him over his head, causing Fairplay to land on his face. Check out the video at http://www.tmz.com/ .

Sideways happy 19th birthday to CM Jr.

Happy birthday son. It was 19 years ago today that I found out that I had stemmed the apple.

CM's TV tip o' the week

There's a lot goin' on this week, what wif de baseball playoffs, Spike TV running another "Rocky" marathon, Ice Road Truckers, and Dancing with the jackoffs. I'd like to suggest some star power for your perusal, the cat in the pic to de left. No, the kid in the photo is not some sort of detective on yet another CSI (Boise, anyone?). He's University of Kentucky QB Andre' Woodson, and he is straight-up dialed in. This Thursday, (ESPN) Woodson and his bluegrass mates head to South Carolina to take on ballcoach Stevie Spurrier's Gamecocks. It's not as big of a secret (especially to the two hosts of Sporting News Radio's weekend show, who were warned in July, by ME, about this kid) to the world anymore that Mr. Woodson is good, but you need to be tuning in to watch just exactly how Dre' gets down on Thursday.