New England: It's over; Seattle: You suck; Detroit: Same ol' Lions

Tom Brady done for the season, that means the Pats are too...Seattle got drilled by the Bills, and I wouldn't look for Seahawk QB Matt Hasselbach's bulging disk to get better any time soon...The Lions crapped their pants against the Falcons, so they can't be considered contenders....Carolina sacked up against San Diego, even with no Steve Smith....Dallas dealt on Cleveland, even with starters missing on both sides of the ball, the Pokes look very potent....The Eagles lit up a really crappy St. Louis bunch, setting up a good Monday Night Football matchup next week....The Saints won a diveesion game against the Bucs, and looked OK but not great....The Texans looked expansionesque against the Steelers, as questions abound in Houston....Tennessee won a tight game against Jacksonville, but now VYoung is out 4 weeks....We'll see how long Chicago is able to hang in against the Colts, so far so good...Remember, for matter of fact declarations after one week, be sure to check out the Deuce

Crassius Maximus named head coach of SVAA Hurricanes

In a move designed to take the SVAA to another level, Crassius Maximus was named head coach of the Lake Highlands Hurricanes. The 'Canes are a flag football team comprised of 8 year olds, in the Lake Highlands (Dallas) area. Look for CM to institute elements of the West Coast Offense, the Spread Offense, and the GSOT offense, employed by the St. Louis Rams of the early 2000's. In an unrelated story, the 'Canes have named Crassius Maximus III, (of Troy), the frontrunner for the starting QB, WR, RB, FS and KR positions. Stay tuned to the Deuce for updates on 'Cane football this fall.

B. F. Mike Moore to offer "Slacker Uprising" free on internet; Apathy builds

Lard Ass Mike Moore will stream his new film "Slacker Uprising" on the internet as opposed to showing it in theaters in early October. The film details registration of young voters in 2004, young Democrats, that is. Hey, it's easy enough to get these cats to register, getting them to vote is another story. Hey, BF Mike Moore: Stop using ranch dressing IVs, and stop making movies. I wish Mike Ditka would knock your ass out.

Deep End Sports: We'll do better this week! We promise!

With Train in the ATL, the show was below average last week, but modifications have been made. We promise more porno star fantasy drafts, sleep it off blasts, and random accusations of homosexuality. Tune in noon to 2pm (Central) to find out.

Marble Mouth: "There is no Eastern, Liberal media bias"

Oh. Ok. Next you'll tell me that Lorne Greene is not a Mexican.

CM's NFL Best

The best in the show, as of right now:

Passer - Peyton Manning - Indy - pretty obvious pick here. On the rise: David Garrard - Jax.; Tony Romo - Dallas

Runner - LaDanian Thomlinson -SD - Speed and power. On the rise: Marion Barber - Dallas

Blocker - Alan Faneca - NY Jets - Best for the past 3 years and running. On the rise: Joe Thomas Cle.

Receiver- Braylon Edwards - Cle. - Perfect routes, great feet and hands, the prototype. On the rise: Andre Johnson - Hou.

D-Lineman - Kevin Williams - SD - The best one technique player in the game. On the rise: Mario Williams - Hou.

Linebacker - DeMarcus Ware - Dal. - Great pass rusher, do-it-all type. On the rise: Lofa Tatupu - Sea.

Safety - Bob Sanders - Indy. - Terrific against the run and pass. On the rise: Atari Bigby - GB

Cornerback - Champ Bailey - Den. - Until proven otherwise. On the rise: Marcus Trufant - Sea.

Coach: Tony Dungy - Ind. Smart and classy, unlike some cheaters we know. On the rise: Mike Tomlin - Pitt.

There you have it. No Ogden, No Peppers, No Owens or Moss, and No Joey Porter. The NFL truly means Not for long.

BHOrns?

Barry Obamer probably won't get all of the Deuce crew's votes now! Hey, we owe BHO a ton for instructing Gen. Petraeus on military tactics, which led to the handing over of the Anbar province to the Iraqi security forces. It kind of went unreported (the handing over of the violent province and subsequent troop redeployment), which is amazing, since BHO was the driving force in supporting the surge, and teaching Petraeus how to best utilize the Marines with smaller, more numerous foot patrols and what not.