And I am telling you: Navy SEALS Fly Two Bullets Into Osama's Brainpan

He didn't make it. They did everything they could do, but in the end there was nothing they could do. Buried at sea, just like my turds, except OBL don't float.

Long Night

For 700 centuries our people have celebrated Long Night, the coldest night in history when all the cavemen almost died, but they didn't.

In the time before our ancestors, beyond the wall of mountains, there was a winter colder than any winter before. And on the coldest, darkest, longest night, the cavemen were barely clinging to life. They were hungry. And between them, they had but one cow to eat. And as the night wore on, more and more people appeared at the cave. Friends, family, strangers, and even worst enemies, all cold, all starving, all desperate for succor. The cavemen could have sent them away, but they didn't. They opened their hearts, and this is what saved their lives, because the warmth of all those bodies pressing together, in the cave, kept them alive. And from that day, until the end of days, so shall it be. Long live Long Night!

Long Night is celebrated on December 21st with friends and foes alike, chugging grain alcohol(1 part beef bullion, 9 parts grain alcohol, just like momma used to make) and eating lots of grilled beef and rotten fruits.

Here is a documentary on Long Night: part 1 & part 2

Neanderthal of the Year 1986

23 years ago this week in Sports Illustrated:

At the end of a spring training game on March 14, 1986 Houston Astros pitcher Bob Knepper praised the work of home plate umpire Pam Postema, who was hoping to land a job in the majors after 11 years in the minor leagues.

But then Knepper added, "This is not an occupation a woman should be in. In God's society, woman was created in a role of submission to the husband. It's not that woman is inferior, but I don't believe women should be in a leadership role."

Knepper was nominated for Neanderthal of the Year by the Houston chapter of the National Organization for Women.

"NOW is such a blowhard organization," Knepper replied. "They are a bunch of lesbians. Their focus has nothing to do with women's rights. It has everything to do with women wanting to be men."

I can remember seeing signs at games that said "Bob Knepper call your wife N.O.W."

It was an estrogen fueled firestorm at the time, but with 20/20 hindsight, we see who the real bigots were.

The Core 2

Jaguars coach Jack Del Rio was hoping to get more production from two-time Pro Bowl defensive tackle John Henderson this season. Already, he's disappointed.
Henderson pulled himself out of drills Monday, and Del Rio expressed frustration with the 6-foot-7, 335-pound veteran.

"Back when I played, and even prior to that, I don't think anybody would have had to miss a snap for it," Del Rio said. "I think it's a minor bruise of sorts. I would think Vince Lombardi is probably rolling over right now.

Little known fact: Lombardi was a huge Jaguars fan. "What's this? Henderson's missing OTAs? Contact."

Apparently it doesn't take much for Coach to start moving on an axis. Here are some examples from around the web horn:

In this one Coach is starting to rotate because the Texans won't tank their last game to get Reggie Bush in the draft: If you listen carefully, you will hear the gentle breeze carry with it a faint whirring sound. That sound would be Coach Lombardi, spinning furiously in his grave ...

Another commenter has Vince doing RPMs at the ridiculous suggestion that the Arizona Cardinals make the Super Bowl: I mean, ARIZONA?? Never mind Satan; how about Lombardi spinning in his grave?? LMMFAO

And even the racists are doing it. "Colonel Reb" fires up the Lombardi gyroscope over the idea that black guys can play wide receiver: They’re dreadful at receiving. The amount of dropped passes in the game today must have Vince Lombardi spinning in his grave. Yes Colonel Reb, these fools, using brothers when the 5'3" Scott "Tweeter" Caan is available.


These sins against the football gods have Lombardi spinning so hard he has begun to augur toward the center of the Earth, jeopardizing the rotation of the hot molten core, and threatening our way of life. There's only one way to stop him. Initiate the Halas Protocol.

Doesn't Obama Understand That These Nerds Are A Threat To Our Way Of Life?

USA Today: Obama says nation needs more nerds

Fascinating...but logical

Pakistan's President: Osama Bin Laden Is Dead

Hey, Look At Me! I'm Joe Biden

Fail Whores makes me want to pull for the Lions

Pictured to the left is Dallas Cowboys coach Wade Phillips. A little background on him tells us that he is 51-29 as a head coach, but winless in the playoffs. Phillips is the "star" of an ongoing show called Fail Whores: The story of the 2007 and 2008 Dallas Cowboys. Phillips leads a team of petulant, young NFLers with a sense of entitlement, and does so with a laid back, non-caring style. I even saw one episode where he wanted the punt team to go onto the field, yet was waved off by his QB, a con man of the highest order, who has used hype instead of action to get big money and chicks. Even the likable characters on this show, such as DeMarcus Ware, have lobbied for individual awards, while in the face of constant losing and failure to meet team goals. I wish team owner and show producer Jerry Jones would harpoon that fat-ass coach of his and get the ship righted before it's too late.

Whale Wars makes me want to pull for the whalers

Pictured to the left is Capt. Paul Wilson, the "star" of the Animal Planet series Whale Wars. A little background on P-dub tells us that he is an animal rights activist, former member of the Canadian Coast Guard, and a vegetarian (Right. Next, you'll tell me Lorne Greene is not a Mexican). In addition to loving animals, dude has some views on humans as well. Paul-dub thinks that no community should exceed 20,000 people, and the world should only have 1 billion inhabitants at the most. Only those proven to be environmentalists would be allowed to have children, under ol' Paulie's system. Whale Wars is a show which documents the attempts of PWilson and his followers to disrupt whaling activities at any cost. Now, I don't think that whaling is a good practice, but nor do I think that risking human life to stop it is a good move. Captain Wilson disagrees. Watch the show and see how this fat, Canadian faggot sends young members of his crew on life and freedom risking "missions" to "save the whales". I even saw an episode where they had two crew members actually board a Jap whaling boat to deliver a "stop whaling message", and the Japs took the crew members prisoner. After the Japanese and Aussie Governments negotiated the release of the crew, contingent on Wilson meeting the Japs in pre-set location, fat ass fell asleep and left his first mate in charge. His first mate (some dude named Brown) turns out to be a bigger faggot than Wilson. This cocksucker orders the ship to change course en route to the pick-up, to, get this, fuck with the Japs who had just dropped off the crew to an Aussie customs ship, and carry out a dangerous "night mission". While doing so, they lost track of the smaller boat they use to disrupt the whalers (which was carrying 4 humans as well), and then nightfall came. It was only by sheer luck that they did not lose them. When the hostages were returned, Wilson wouldn't even leave the bridge to be the first to shake their hands. Nice. Fat ass Captain Wilson and faggot First Mate Brown make me wish that the Japs would harpoon them. Watch the show and see how these magicians pull off the neat trick of making Jap whalers seem downright fucking sympathetic.

Sammy Baugh: He'd dog cuss ya

Samuel Adrian Baugh. The Slinger. Sammy Baugh passed away in Rotan, Texas yesterday at the age of 94. With all due respect to Red Grange, Sammy was the first superstar in the early days of the NFL. As a QB, he completed 70% of his passes in a season, a record that stands today. As a punter, he averaged 51 yards a kick, and in a 14-6 win in the NFL Title game over the Bears, he hit an 85 yard punt to help keep the Bears from getting a short field. As a defensive back, he was the first player to intercept 4 passes in a single game. In addition to that, he was drafted by the St. Louis Cardinals as a shortstop. He made a whopping $8,000 his rookie year (unheard of at the time). In today's game, I think he'd get $150 million over 7 years, with about 60 mil. guaranteed. Asked about today's game, the Slinger said: "It's a pussy game. Too much protectin' of the ballcarrier." Sad to see ya go, Slinger, rest in peace.

Not just a big dude, but a decent writer too

No, Not me. My road dawg Lo"L-Train" Watts (pictured here next to the large cranked former drop linebacker/DE CM) did a post over at www.deependsports.blogspot.com about the floundering Cowboys and the fat ass they call head coach, and the shit is good stuff. Check it out, the kid can write a little.

Smoke up, Wang

Or should I say, "Herro, got a right?" By 2010, Cancer will overtake heart disease as the number one cause of death, in large part due to the increase in smoking in China and India. These people, much like U.S. Americans, have discovered the unbridled joy of smoking squares. Let 'em smoke, I say. Smoking, eating red meat and driving smoke billowing Studebakers are part of the growth of a nation. Let's get behind the tobacco industry and the oil industry, and sell these good people the products they so richly deserve. It'll be a boost to the economy,and much like the Native Americans appreciated the white man introducing tobacco and alcohol to them, so will their Asian counterparts. America. We can do anything, if we put our minds to it.

Same as it ever was....

Longhorn fan is upset about the recent BCS goings on, what with OU jumping them in the standings thanks to a 20 point beating of 12th ranked Oklahoma State on Saturday. UT has a point, sort of, with them beating OU by 2 scores on a neutral field earlier this year. Earlier is the key word here, however, and in this case timing is everything. It has kind of always been the case, dating back to the days of the polls in the olden days. Lose early and you can fade it by getting on a roll late, like OU did. So the new system is a lot like the old system ( I could have used a Roger Daltry Jpeg for this post, but DByrne called me last week bitching about his lack of exposure on the Deuce), which underscores the need for a playoff system. Scheduling is not a problem, and money isn't either, as this thing could be wrapped up by late January. You could still use the bowl system (as sites for the games), and with 16 teams, the issue would be settled. Some would argue that the current system does not need to be more "NFL-like", as the difference is what makes college football what it is: unique. Whichever side you come out on, no one cares about the bitching, only who comes out on top in the long run.

Tech vs. OU: Take Tech and the points

6 and 1/2 is a lot to give Texas Tech, and even though I think OU wins Saturday, Tech doesn't need that much help to cover. That line should be 3 and 1/2. Of course at that, I wouldn't wager a dime, as this should be a tight game. 6 and 1/2? What is Vegas thinking?

Don't count the boys in blue out just yet

The 'Boys got a big one last night, thanks to Marion Barber and that defense. They knocked 'Skins QB Jason Cambell on his ass, and shut D.C.'s run game down. I know Giant fan thinks they slapped Dallas around two weeks ago, but that was without our #1 corner, QB, backup RB (who averages 9 yards a carry) and a Pro Bowl left guard. That's like beating a fucking strike team. We're getting those dudes back, and regardless of what stupid media faggots and local radio hacks say, that makes a difference. Just ask Santana Moss and that Redskin defense who they'd rather face. The Giants are playing well, but they can be beat. You'll see. You'll all see.

Victory

No TV for Baylor vs. Aggie, so Comrade X had to make do with the radio broadcast by the unambiguously gay duo of Dave & Dave on the Aggie Jackhole Network. Looking for games to watch with the sound down, I came across Victory on Versus, which fit, with the Nazis all prancing around in their homo jackboots and the Aggies in theirs.

Baylor rolled the Ags 41-21 and it wasn't even that close as the Bears led 41-7 late, but then Baylor didn't have Hatch hanging around their necks like a 5foot 7inch anchor unlike those poor Allied P.O.W. chaps.

Columbus Crew Advances To One-Ball MLS Finals With 2-1 Win Over FC Chicago In EFC Title Game

Refs call game about three minutes after time expires.

CFB: The teams we follow

Another giant weekend in collegian football. Some the teams followed by the Deuce were in action, with mixed results:

Texas Technological: Looked dominant offensively and solid defensively. This Graham Harrell kid throws a spiral on every pass. Reminds me of myself in that regard....6 years ago. They've beaten ranked teams in con3cutive games, but 2 were at home. They now travel to Norman where only the Oklahoma State Aggies (Tech's victim Saturday) have ever beaten the Sooners in division play under BStoops. This is where we see if they are a title contender or just a really good BCS team.
Pennsylvania State: If you would have told me that PSU would beat OSU at Columbus, I would've thought, great, they're going undefeated! By the same token no one thought they would be as good as I did, so a one loss, BCS bid, top ten ranking is something I'll have to live with. They did, however let a title shot slip away, at the hands of fucking Iowa.
Austin Liberal Arts Longhorns: Still looming, still lurking, Texas did what they needed to do, and although some think they will be jumped by Florida in the BCS, they probably should still be third. Again, most people, including me, thought 2009 would be the title shot team, but this group has designs on 2008. Bama losing to Auburn or Florida, after Florida losing to FSU would put UT in a great position. Texas vs. Texas Tech for the title? WOW.
Baylor College of Dentistry: Future Top 5 pick and President of the United States RG III had a rough go against UT, but every game he plays in is worth the price of admission, as he does something awesome regardless of the competition. Remember Baylor fan, this is a process. Better days are ahead.

Cougar High and Texas Agricultural and Maroonic played, but we won't talk about that.

Steelers Dump Najeh Davenport

Growing tired of his crap Pittsburgh released their former No. 2 back even though he is quite a load, possibly because they need more of a scat back, but more likely because he had a tendency to loaf. So long, double double deuce.

TCU: Good news and bad news

TCU had a chance to go to a BCS game last night by beating Utah, and they dominated the game. They should have scored 30 and won easy. Instead, they missed 2 chip shot FGs, blew 2 easy TDs, and had 2 slow developing pass plays in the red zone that led to 2 10 yard plus loss sacks which took them out of range for 2 more FGs. Utah never led....until 47 seconds to go. Goodbye BCS. Head coach Gary Paterson has compiled a 62-25 record while at the helm, so one might think he would be in line for say, jobs like KSU, Clemson, etc. Well, TCU fan here's the breakdown:
The Good News: If you are worried about Patterson bolting for one of these BCS conference jobs, don't. Me and Guy Morriss aren't the only ones that think GPatterson is a wet blanket of a coach. He gets you close, then like Patroclus fighting the Trojans, he blows it.

The Bad News: If you are hoping Patterson will bolt for one of said BCS jobs, see the Guy Morriss, CM, Patroclus blast above.

Gary Patterson. He is and always will be an idiot.