How about Woodrow Lowe?

Cowboys fall out of National Title hunt, new poll released

The loss to the Redskins severely hurts the Cowboys BCS rankings. Now they'll need help to get to the title game. The new AP poll:

1. Giants - 3-0
2. Redskins - 3 -1
3. Panthers - 3-1
4. Alabama - 5 -0
5. Bills - 4-0
6. Penn State -5-0
7. Dallas - 3-1
8. Titans - 4-0
9. OU - 4-0
10. LSU - 5-0

Dallas is really going to need help to get to the title game. Hopefully the pollsters wll be gentle with them.

Goodbye, Newman

We are watching a former 4th pick overall in the NFL draft, a guy who has collected 25 million dollars in signing bonuses alone in the past 5 years go from genius to moron. Cowboys CB Terrance Newman is done. It's over. The Dallas front office must have known something when they traded for Adam Jones, and drafted Mike Jenkins and Orlando Scandrick. Maybe he can play safety, he was a good hitter in college.

OSU 27 #1 USC 21; REDEMPTION AT RESER

Led by the legs of a little man from Houston Lamar Consolidated, Oregon State ran all over the footballplayerrapist led USC Trojans last night at Reser. The Beavs shut down USC's run game, and dat was dat.

Bush speaks on bailout; BFag offers Democratic rebutthole

President Bush spoke last night about the ongoing financial crisis, with Barney Frank handling the Democratic response. Oddly enough, Frank's response seemed to be based on polls. Lots of polls. Interesting.

BU vs. UConn: Best team ever vs. best recruit ever

No, not in history, just in the history of these schools. This is UConn's best ever football team since going to Division One 10 years ago. Coach Randy Edsall has his version of the triplets on offense in QB Tyler Lorenzen, RB Andre Dixon, and TE Steve Brouse. Baylor's Robert Griffin is the highest rated Baylor recruit since Cuero's record setting running back Robert Strait showed up in Waco. It should be a shootout. I'll go with UConn, 38-34 in a thriller, since they are at home.

Deep End Sports: Sept. 20th start time change

This week's show will jump off at 10 am (Central). So instead of not listening from noon 'til 2, you can now not listen from 10 am 'til noon. This week: We preview LSU vs. Auburn, Tennessee vs. Florida, Cowboys vs. Packers, Pittsburgh vs. Philly, and why the Big 12 is the cradle of QBs in collegian football.

This dude is macho and pulls higher ratings than Olbermann

Who is this guy? ER's Noah Wylie? No. In a world with Larry King and Keith Olbermann, this cat is the Alpha Male. MSNBC's Rocky Maddow has pulled even higher ratings than King or Keef. Well done, dude. If I ever get to meet you, man, we'll chest bump.

NFC East: 4 good teams, only 3 playoff spots

The NFC East is hyper competitive, as always, and the 4 members of the NFL's Fight Club all have a good combo of new (free agent) vets and emerging (in house, drafted) players.
NY Giants: The new vets: Safety Sammy Knight and LB Danny Clark. The emerging home grown talent: RB Brandon Jacobs, TE Kevin Boss, CB Aaron Ross, G Chris Snee, WR Steve Smith and De Justin Tuck
Dallas Cowboys: The new vets: LB Zach Thomas, CB Adam Jones. The home grown talent: RB/KR Felix Jones, CB Mike Jenkins, LB Anthony Spencer, DT Jay Ratliff, TE Martellus Bennett, WR Miles Austin, DE Chris Canty
Philly Eagles: The new vets: CB Asante Samuel, DE Chris Clemons. The homies: WR DeSean Jackson, LB Chris Gocong, Safety Quintin Mikell, P Sav Rocca, DT Trevor Laws
Washington Redskins: The new vets: DE Jason Taylor, LB London Fletcher. Home grown: LB Rocky McIntosh, FS LaRon Landry, QB Jason Campbell, TE Fred Davis

This is what you have to have. Contributions from many, on both sides of the ball, from free agents, rookies and young vets. This is how you win.

Crassius Maximus IV leads the SVAA Hurricanes to a preseason win, 25-24

Lil' Troy Maximus had 3 carries for 100 yards, including a thrilling 65 yard TD, and another 30 yard TD, as the CM led 'Canes knocked off the Jaguars in the rain on Saturday. CM IV also had two of his passes dropped (blame the rain) by his receivers, one of which would have been a 40 yd score. I'm telling you, he's the white Vince Young...Or should I say Robert Griffin III?

If you want to know what to look for...

Trust the Deuce and Deep End Sports. ABC's Kirk Herbstreit and Lee Corso do, as they parroted Deep End Sports gasbag Johnny Cane when Herbstreit said that OSU would get Terrelle Pryor more involved to offset the loss of Beanie Wells, and Corso said to look out for USC RB Joe McKnight, one of SIX RBs USC uses. Well, well, well. Pryor played more than he had all year, and Joe McKnight had 100 yards. Sounds like a replay of Deep End Sports, which took place 5 hours earlier. No thanks needed Herbstreit and Corso, tune in any time you need info for your pregame analysis. Big 12 pundit Pat Jones does too. X tells me that he went on and on about Baylor frosh QB Robert Griffin III being a kid to build a program around, and that not only would he help on the field, but that he would help recruiting as well. This only two weeks after Deep End Sports called this kid "the dominant factor" in turning Baylor football around. Yep, you can wait until the mainsteam media gets around to telling you the deal, or you can be out in front. The choice is yours.

X and Erastus set to open "Ho Cake" franchise in the L.E.S.

That's right, everybody loves Ho cakes!!

Herro! I'm gravery Irr!

First Castro, now KJ? Sean Penn is having a bad day.

All Texas NFL team (defense)

Pt. II y'all, the defenders:


DL: Tommie Harris, Chi.- (Kileen) - Dominant quicks, talent

DL: Casey Hampton, Pitt.- (Galveston) - The best in the biz, 5 time running All Pro

DL: Shaun Rogers, Cle. - (La Porte) - Best kick blocker in the game, hands down

DL: Aaron Schobel, Buf. - (Columbus) - Decent, 7 sacks a year type

OLB: Derrick Johnson, K.C. - (Waco) - Speedy speed merchant

OLB: Akin Ayodele, Mia. - (Irving MacArthur) - Solid, sturdy player

MLB: Zach Thomas, Dal. - (White Deer) - All Pro when healthy

FS: Brodney Pool, Cle. - (Houston Westbury) - Borderline All Pro

SS: Mike Huff, Oak. - (Irving Nimitz) - Great tackler, Speed

CB: Nate Vashar, Chi. - (Texas High, Texarkana) - All pro picks off many a pass

CB: Quentin Jammer, S.D. - (Angleton) - Physical RCB with long arms

K:Phil Dawson, Cle. - (Lake Highlands, Dallas) - Big leg, consistent

ST: Keith Davis, Dal. - (Italy) - Great cover guy

Not as good as the offense, but still damn good.

All Texas NFL team (offense)

If all NFL players were forced to play in their home state, this is what a Texas team would look like:

QB: Drew Brees, N.O. - (Austin Westlake) - Good release, good decision maker; Vince Young (Hou. Madison)

RB: LaDanian Thomlinson, S.D. -(Waco University)- The Man; Adrian Peterson, Minn.(Palestine) The next man

FB: Ahmard Hall, Tenn.-(Galveston)- Solid

OT: Leonard Davis, Dal. - (Wortham) - Massive, All Pro

OT: Derrick Dockery, Buf. - (Garland Centennial) - Another Giant

OG: Alan Faneca, N.Y. - (Houston Lamar) -Simply the best

OG: Brian Watters, K.C. - (Waxahachie) - All Pro 5 years in a row

C: Andre Gurode, Dal. - (Houston Galena Park) - The best C in the game

TE: Bubba Franks, N.Y. Jets - (Sulphur Springs) - Good blocker, O.K. receiver

WR: Donald Driver, G.B. - (Houston Sterling) - Will get deep on your ass

WR: Roy Williams, Det. - (Odessa Permian) - More talent than Moss or T.O.

PR/KR: Dante Hall, St.L. - (Lufkin) - Ran one back last year against Dallas, he stil can do it

P: Shane Lechler, Oak. - (East Bernard) - 5 time All pro, the best

Pretty dominant in the run game, not bad at the pass.
Up Next: The Defense

New England: It's over; Seattle: You suck; Detroit: Same ol' Lions

Tom Brady done for the season, that means the Pats are too...Seattle got drilled by the Bills, and I wouldn't look for Seahawk QB Matt Hasselbach's bulging disk to get better any time soon...The Lions crapped their pants against the Falcons, so they can't be considered contenders....Carolina sacked up against San Diego, even with no Steve Smith....Dallas dealt on Cleveland, even with starters missing on both sides of the ball, the Pokes look very potent....The Eagles lit up a really crappy St. Louis bunch, setting up a good Monday Night Football matchup next week....The Saints won a diveesion game against the Bucs, and looked OK but not great....The Texans looked expansionesque against the Steelers, as questions abound in Houston....Tennessee won a tight game against Jacksonville, but now VYoung is out 4 weeks....We'll see how long Chicago is able to hang in against the Colts, so far so good...Remember, for matter of fact declarations after one week, be sure to check out the Deuce

Crassius Maximus named head coach of SVAA Hurricanes

In a move designed to take the SVAA to another level, Crassius Maximus was named head coach of the Lake Highlands Hurricanes. The 'Canes are a flag football team comprised of 8 year olds, in the Lake Highlands (Dallas) area. Look for CM to institute elements of the West Coast Offense, the Spread Offense, and the GSOT offense, employed by the St. Louis Rams of the early 2000's. In an unrelated story, the 'Canes have named Crassius Maximus III, (of Troy), the frontrunner for the starting QB, WR, RB, FS and KR positions. Stay tuned to the Deuce for updates on 'Cane football this fall.

B. F. Mike Moore to offer "Slacker Uprising" free on internet; Apathy builds

Lard Ass Mike Moore will stream his new film "Slacker Uprising" on the internet as opposed to showing it in theaters in early October. The film details registration of young voters in 2004, young Democrats, that is. Hey, it's easy enough to get these cats to register, getting them to vote is another story. Hey, BF Mike Moore: Stop using ranch dressing IVs, and stop making movies. I wish Mike Ditka would knock your ass out.

Deep End Sports: We'll do better this week! We promise!

With Train in the ATL, the show was below average last week, but modifications have been made. We promise more porno star fantasy drafts, sleep it off blasts, and random accusations of homosexuality. Tune in noon to 2pm (Central) to find out.

Marble Mouth: "There is no Eastern, Liberal media bias"

Oh. Ok. Next you'll tell me that Lorne Greene is not a Mexican.

CM's NFL Best

The best in the show, as of right now:

Passer - Peyton Manning - Indy - pretty obvious pick here. On the rise: David Garrard - Jax.; Tony Romo - Dallas

Runner - LaDanian Thomlinson -SD - Speed and power. On the rise: Marion Barber - Dallas

Blocker - Alan Faneca - NY Jets - Best for the past 3 years and running. On the rise: Joe Thomas Cle.

Receiver- Braylon Edwards - Cle. - Perfect routes, great feet and hands, the prototype. On the rise: Andre Johnson - Hou.

D-Lineman - Kevin Williams - SD - The best one technique player in the game. On the rise: Mario Williams - Hou.

Linebacker - DeMarcus Ware - Dal. - Great pass rusher, do-it-all type. On the rise: Lofa Tatupu - Sea.

Safety - Bob Sanders - Indy. - Terrific against the run and pass. On the rise: Atari Bigby - GB

Cornerback - Champ Bailey - Den. - Until proven otherwise. On the rise: Marcus Trufant - Sea.

Coach: Tony Dungy - Ind. Smart and classy, unlike some cheaters we know. On the rise: Mike Tomlin - Pitt.

There you have it. No Ogden, No Peppers, No Owens or Moss, and No Joey Porter. The NFL truly means Not for long.

BHOrns?

Barry Obamer probably won't get all of the Deuce crew's votes now! Hey, we owe BHO a ton for instructing Gen. Petraeus on military tactics, which led to the handing over of the Anbar province to the Iraqi security forces. It kind of went unreported (the handing over of the violent province and subsequent troop redeployment), which is amazing, since BHO was the driving force in supporting the surge, and teaching Petraeus how to best utilize the Marines with smaller, more numerous foot patrols and what not.